Why I can never be a boomerang babe

28 Dec

Thanks to a piece of somewhat tenuous tabloid journalism, today we are told that “more 30-something women than ever before” are moving back in with their parents.

There are no numbers or sources in the article in support of this so-called trend but it did enable the sub editors to coin the phrase “boomerang babes” which I suppose makes it all worthwhile.

My mother has just stayed with us for two days and much as I adore her, I can now say for sure that I definitely will not be boomeranging any time soon. And this is why…

1. Rather than bringing wine or chocolates, my mum arrived at our house with a polystyrene cover for the garden tap.

2. Replacing anything is a sign of weakness. She has spent the last few weeks painstakingly tracking down curtain hooks that were last sold in Woolworths in the late 1980s rather than buy a new curtain rail and/or curtains.

3. Wherever she is, at 11pm mum will curl up on the nearest available sofa and fall asleep, waking up freezing cold and with a sore neck in the early hours of the morning. No amount of pleading, threatening or coaxing will persuade her to abandon this semi-Pavlovian ritual for a whole night’s sleep in a warm comfortable bed.

4. She doesn’t believe in communication. She has a mobile phone which is almost always switched off or in “silent” mode. My mum refuses to use the laptop I gave her at home. Her justification for this is that she “spends all day on the computer at work”. Apparently there is no difference between “using a computer” to design spreadsheets and using it to catch up with “that Dickens thing set in Mumbai”  she has already predicted she will accidentally miss at the weekend on Radio 4 (okay, some may argue she has a point there).

5. She has an uncanny knack of getting you to apologise for things. It took the Queen nearly 100 years to say sorry  to South Africans for the atrocities which occurred during the Boer War. Mum would have had that done and dusted by lunchtime. It’s quite possible that I apologised for it myself in the fruit & veg aisle of M&S this afternoon. She is that good.

6. Any form of home truth, no matter how bluntly expressed, can legitimately be said aloud as long as it is defiantly followed by the phrase “well, it’s true.”

7. Ohmygodinlotsofwayswearesoalikeithinksheismyfuture.

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2 Responses to “Why I can never be a boomerang babe”

  1. almost witty December 29, 2011 at 10:24 am #

    When not cooking, my Dad spent the entire Christmas period playing Solitaire on his laptop, while occasionally coo-ing at his grandson. When not cooking, my Mum spent the time trying to organise the household – she even sat down and went through all our carrier bags the night she arrived. They both politely constantly declined requests to sit and relax on the sofa and watch some TV or whatever.

    Ahhhh, Christmas.

  2. The Coffee Table Years December 30, 2011 at 3:14 am #

    Being a boomerang babe myself, I can relate to the humiliation and trauma of living with parents well after the first flush of youth. But I suspect my mother and I have somehow reversed roles: she is constantly on the phone like a 16-year-old, goes out quite a bit, and shops even more than I do – and she has a lot more money to fund this habit. I hate to admit it, I’m a tad jealous.

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